So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
