My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
