Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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