I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
