why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
