Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
