Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
