so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
