She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
