It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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