don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
