I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
