I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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