so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
