Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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