so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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