Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
