If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
