Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
