Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
