he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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