You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
