thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
