if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
