I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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