Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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