I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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