why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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