then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
