Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
