i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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