Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
