He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
