Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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