When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
