WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
