I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
