dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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