Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
