Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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