Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
