I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
