You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
