his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
