Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
