I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
