i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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