I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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