If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
