This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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