I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
God, I missed his penis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
