Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
